Little grey hen and big white bird.

A little grey hen was sitting on the meadow near her henhouse and was feeling very sad.

-I am poor, I am unlucky, I am unhappy. Roosters don`t understand me, hens hurt me. My henhouse is dark, empty, sad...

A big white bird flew past the hen at this moment and heard all these words.

-Don`t worry, hen,- a big white bird said. - If you want I can help you to fly to very nice country where you can live.

-No,- grey hen answered.- It`s impossible: hens cannot fly.

-Don`t worry,- white bird said.- I will teach you.

-No,- grey hen answered.- I have very small wings.

-Don`t worry,- white bird said.- You can sit on my back and we will fly.

-No,- grey hen said.- I don`t have a home in that country.

-Don`t worry,- white bird said.- I will help you to find  a home.

-No,- grey hen answered.- I`ll be alone there, I`ll feel lonely and sad.

-Don`t worry,- white bird smiled.- I will help you to find a rooster.

-No,- grey hen answered.- He can be angry and annoying.

-Don`t worry,- white bird sighed.- I will teach you to live in that way which will help you to meet only nice and kind roosters.

-No,- grey hen answered.- Such roosters don`t exist.

-GO AWAY!!!- white bird shouted, spread the wings and flew away...

***

So often we`re afraid of living the life, so often we`re afraid of new acquaintances, new places, new friends etc. And we forget so often that we have only one life. Certainly we have to live here and now, without any fears because if we won`t, it can be too late then. Some people have bad experiences in their lives and after this they are afraid to start something new. But we have to risk anyway, in any time. Sitting in one place and thinking only about bad results will not make your life better. We have to move, we have to love, we have to pal up, we have to make new decisions in our lives because only all this will make us alive. And it is better to risk and then lose than be afraid, not risk and never know what result could be.

Nobody cares.

Nobody cares. Nobody cares what you put on today, nobody cares what breakfast you had this morning, nobody cares how many likes you have on your pictures in social network, nobody cares how you will spend your weekend. Nobody cares. Absolutely.

You live your life, you have friends and haters. Ok, maybe not friends and not haters. Just people, some of them like you, some of them hate you. First stalker your social networks and praise your photos, admire your talents, your appearance and maybe something else. Second like to show you that you are a nothingness.

It is all temporary.

When all these aforesaid people will have their own affairs and problems, they will forget about you.

For example, there is a girl who doesn`t like you. She feels a pleasure saying bad things about you behind your back. But this is not forever, no. Some day or other something very bad will happen to her. For example, her father`s death. Or she will prepare to important exams. And that`s all. You will never see this angry, impudent and cheeky glance in your direction.

Or there is a girl who likes you and your page in social network. She always wants to talk to you, she likes all your photos. This is also not forever. Some day this girl will have a boyfriend or new friends. Real friends to whom she`ll trust. Or maybe this girl will find her dream and make it true. And that`s all. She won`t visit your page anymore. Maybe sometimes...that to read a few posts and smile.

Don`t make conclusions about your life based on the words of other people. If you have haters it doesn`t make you a bad or popular person. If you have fans it doesn`t make you a wonderful and perfect person. Everyone has an own life and everyone cares about his existence and well-being firstly.

Live like you want to live.

In any case nobody cares of others.

 

Search.

You can move infinitely. New countries, new cities, new people. You can arrive, catch new moments, meet new sensations, feel new emotions, saturate yourself with these emotions and go further.

But we are limited by the size of our planet in any case. To go beyond it is impossible. Only few people can do it but not everyone. Even if you`ll visit each country on the earth- what will be then?

Pictures change. Something new is coming into your life more often than earlier. You already traveled by cars, by bike, even on foot; you already spent all night on the beach; you already were lost in the woods; you already walked in misty fields and through the bustling streets of New York; you already drank a coffee in Paris, you`ve been on volcano and swam in the ocean; you have experienced a terrible fear and euphoria; saw the death; fell in love and out of love, fell in love again and felt many incredible things, but...

What will be then?

You tell everyone who you are, from what country you are from and what you like more. Where is the diversity?

And after visiting 10 countries, you will want to visit 20. We are never satisfied.

After jumping with bungee you will want to jump with parachute. After making one tattoo you will want to make two or even more. The dose of consumption should be always increase. This is a feature of the human body. People get used to everything and always demand more.

"I don`t want to leave this heaven"- I hear these words on spanish beach. And I think: people are so funny. Someone lives in this heaven and doesn`t appreciate it absolutely. Many people dream to visit Maldives and inhabitants of those islands don`t see anything unique there. They want to visit Germany, India, USA and finally see something new from the window. Not a boundless blue ocean near which they spent all life.

Someone works the whole year that to come in this heaven for few weeks. This person will wish to stay there more days.

This search of perfect place/perfect person/perfect life won`t let you stop. Every time you hope that this place doesn`t have minuses and this person will never betray you.

At some point you`ll be tired of different pictures that are running past you. At some point you will lose your desire to go somewhere. At some point you will find that nothing can fill a black whole inside you. And then you turn around...and cannot understand what you gotta find.

It is necessary to learn how to look at everything like you see/feel/do it at first time. I remember I lived in another house and couldn`t notice during 3 weeks that there was a new shop nearby. Sometimes we don`t notice something even more important.

It is necessary to appreciate. And learn how to do it.

It is necessary to be grateful. Magical practice. Sincere gratitude gives you a lot of energy. And after this you notice different thoughts inside your head, not like "what can I take from new place?" but "what can I give to new place?"

We should find incredible things in usual days.
We should look at person and see something new in him every single day.
Live near the ocean and continue to enjoy the waves, not just see them.
Live near the forest and continue to enjoy a birdsong, not just hear it.

Otherwise you can move during all your life and look for something unclear infinitely.
And never find it because everything what you need you have inside yourself.

A person who will be like a couple of shoes.

"Vi, do you know how to find a good friend or person who will love you forever and will stay with you like a couple of shoes that will never leave you untill you do it?"

________________________________________________________________________

I got this question from the person who feels lonely for a long time. He wanted to know how is possible to find such a great and devoted friend. He doesn`t believe that such people exist in our world. It was hard for me-to give him an exact answer. I thought over his words two days. You know, to find a real friend or real love is not like going outside and asking who can be your friend or who can love you. Life is not so easy unfortunately.

I had different variants of answer into my head but they`re not right. Today I understood one simple truth.

You mustn`t search such friend. You have to be such friend to others. You mustn`t search love from other people-you have to love.

I`d like to become such person for someone...Does nobody send you sweets and cute postcards when you`re sick? I will come to you and will give you sweets, honey, rasberry jam, lemon and interesting books.

Does nobody remember what coffee do you like? I will remember and I will buy this coffee to you if you`ll become frozen during our walk in autumn park.

Does nobody listens to you? I will listen to your stories all night if you will need it.

Does nobody supports you? I will sit near you and will accuse the whole world if you need it.

Does nobody shows you a friendship, a love in actions? I will create presents for you, I will buy your favorite chocolate and your favorite tea.

Or you just can invite me to your home and I`ll come there with your favorite food. Tired, maybe a little bit sleepy, a little bit lost but it doesn`t matter because you are more important than anything else.

Therefore I am afraid to get used to people-I can become a perfect person for you but having received desirable, you don`t thank and you don`t notice anything. You just use that "best friend" or that "love".


Of course we shouldn`t think about answer from people after our good actions. You do something good because you wanna do it-everybody has to remember this simple truth. No better feeling than giving back.

But we all are alive people and we all have feelings. If person for whom you do good things, will never appreciate them, you can`t do it all the time. Friendship and relationships aren`t a charity work.

"Vi, do you know how to find a good friend or person who will love you forever and will stay with you like a couple of shoes that will never leave you untill you do it?"

I don`t know. But I know that I would like to be the same person for some people. But I am afraid.

One advice to all of you, guys: never get inside someone`s life if you are not planning to remain in it. 

Forget.

Hi. This blog won`t be funny and bright. Everything what happens now is so annoying and rotten. Well, I am a very positive person but I am tired. Really tired. Nothing changes here, in Russia, it looks like a damnation. Sometimes I think if I won`t move to another place, my life will never change. I want the cardinal changes. I need them cos I don`t want to pass a boring way. Home situation is very intense, mom is talking about death...what the hell, I have never heard this shit from her before. She doesn`t feel good now, therefore she has a bad mood and every day I hear something about death, about how life is hard and that I must be ready for bad things. Gosh, I can`t listen to it anymore. Why don`t parents understand that their kids shouldn`t be shipped into such shit? And I am an adult already but it doesn`t mean that I can listen to something awful like my mom`s death. Fuuuck...

Last days I feel like a squeezed orange. If I could erase my memory, I would do it immediately. And then I would move somewhere very far from this damn place and would start a new life, without any even little memory about my old life. Would be perfect, I think. My head is overflowed with awful thoughts, I wanna clear it forever. Cool things happen everywhere except Russia. Something new happens everywhere except Russia. Damn it!
When somebody says you that all is bad and this is the end, you don`t think about the end-you think about something what led you to it. You analyze your each act. In such cases, if you find the origin of problem, you can breathe sigh of relief and try to live further, previously having made a promise to change yourself and never make such mistakes any more. In cases, when you didn`t find a failure point, everything becomes much more difficult. As a rule, you rush as a wounded deer, you blame yourself for everything or you blame all other people. To bear all this is not easy. You`ll come back to it uncountable number of times and you`ll try to solve this riddle cos to reconcile is difficult. You will think that all is good and nothing portends a trouble. In practice, nothing is painless, even when you consider yourself an emotional eunuch. When your feelings, your words, your acts, your self-conceit ain`t taken seriously, you begin hesitate. Anyway, somebody is right and somebody is not. It is necessary to understand and accept others claims and to explain yours so good, that your opponent didn`t want to hit you a fist to a jaw. It is important to remember that: "You aren`t right", "I don`t care", "I think so", rough words and a manhandling is not an argument and doesn`t gane any value only because this is your opinion. If you coped with this difficult task, I congratulate you, you are not a moron, who`s controlled by emotions. You can live further and drink a tea with cakes in the morning, how you do all your life. If you didn`t cope with this task, I have very bad news for you.

But the most awful thing-it is possible to bear EVERYTHING.

I am afraid to say it, I am afraid to write it but if our world wasn`t so interesting, beautiful and huge, I`d leave it. What the sense of all this what surrounds us?..

The next part of depression

I wanna sleep, sleep, sleep. I don`t wanna wake up. This desire doesn`t abandon me. How is it turned out so, that I lost the interest absolutely to everything around?..

I can`t explain why but I hate that environment in which I live. All these people, houses, shops annoy me so much. I don`t like that way of life which almost each person conducts in Russia. I feel the pain, the disappointment and something what tears me to pieces inside. I don`t understand what is it, really. All this makes me wanna die or disappear. I feel so lonely like a grain of sand in the desert; like a drop in the Pacific Ocean; like a star in the sky. So many people around me but I am alone. Only I can understand my thoughts and my experiences.

I have some friends who feel lonely too. If I could glance in their heads, maybe I would save them. And who will save me? Sometimes I think that this world will crush me soon. People spend too much time looking for more, instead of appreciating what they already have. Probably I am such too and it is not good. But my life doesn`t stand on one place. Unrealizable dreams affict and break me. I don`t know where I am going with this.

Loneliness is the most awful feeling in the world. I don`t wish anybody to feel it. I go down the street but nobody looks at me. My problems aren`t interesting to anybody. If I`ll die tomorrow, who`ll be upset? I even don`t have a family.

We are all lonely and all we want is for someone to pay attention and tell us we`re beautiful. It saves. Only one person can save you. Strange, huh? Strange but so amazing.

I hate that feeling.
That feeling when you are sad but you have no idea why.
You feel so fucking empty, but nothing in particular happened.
They ask you what`s wrong, but you can`t explain. Or they don`t even ask anything; I don`t know which one is worse. It just feels like I miss someone I never met. Like I need someone who doesn`t need me. The loneliness hovers over me; takes control over me. I don`t even care.
I isolate myself on purpose. Sadness becomes my best and only friend. I start hating myself and I want everybody to leave me alone. At the same time, I want someone to hug me and to tell me things will be okay.
I simply HATE that feeling. That feeling when you don`t even know what the fuck you`re feeling.

I wish my feelings had a delete button...

Thoughts inside myself

I want to change my life. Almost 4 years ago I did it but now I feel that the time to make my life another came again. It is not hard but I need to know what I really want.

Sometimes I feel that I sink in a hopelessness. Probably I shouldn`t think so because I have everything what I need but...We are never satisfied. If you`ll see all Europe, it won`t be enough-you will want to see all Asia and then-all Africa...and the end of your desires will never come. All people are such, I`m sure.

I love to travel. I can`t live on one place the whole life, I need to change cities and countries. I`m a wanderer and a dreamer. I love roads, cars, buses and long trips. I love new places and new acquaintances. All this make me to feel better. To have the great impressions in life is very important. When I`ll be old, I will remember those mad actions which I made in my youth and will tell about them to my grandsons :D They will be proud of their crazy grandmother!

If I had more freedom and more money now, I would pack my bag and go somewhere very far. To country where nobody speaks russian. Where nobody knows me. I thought about Iceland. Cold but very beautiful and romantic place. Mountains, ocean, whales...I would live in small house in the mountains, would have a horse and a big dog. Every morning I`d look at the whales in the ocean and every evening I`d write a book. I always have a lot of inspiration on the nature. Icelandic language is very difficult and I love all difficult things.

I seem to feel happy when I forget about everything. I just walk somewhere and see the sky...and the sun going down or rising. That`s why I adore lonely places like old parks, forests, fields where nobody will bother me. There I feel like a bird, just as nothing keeps me...So I`m free to fly wherever I want.

Now I have such time when I think about my life all day, all night. I am tired of all this routine. Maybe it is because of spring or because of something else but I`ve never been more alone than now. I don`t feel that the city where I live is a my place. I don`t like noise, huge houses and subway. It was my biggest dream in childhood-to move in a huge city but nowadays I understand that my dream was a mistake. Or I had to move to so big city to understand that sometimes we don`t know of what we dream. To breathe here is so hard...My lungs dry up.

I am 23 but I didn`t find my place in this world yet. I can want to live near the sea in warm country but in some days I wanna live on the north near the mountains. I can want to travel all my life and to be alone but then I want to have a big and friendly family. I don`t know what happens inside myself. I don`t remember the time when I understood myself...Have I ever had the harmony in my mind?..

It is all like a carousel. Your life goes and goes quicker every day. First you don`t notice it but then you look back and see that many events remained far behind you. And you will never return them already. Isn`t it scary? Time to be defined what you need.

I want to change the world. I try to remember these phrases:
1) Always push yourself to be great.
2) Always push yourself to be better than the day before.
3) Love all but stay away from darkness, you can`t help.
4) Live, love, laugh.
5) Put your heart into everything you do.
6) Let`s make the world better.
7) Love is a mighty power.
8) Find your own way to happiness.
9) Always working, always creating.
10) Never ever ever ever ever GIVE UP!!!

These phrases and another help me to live. Even when I sink and don`t understand what happens around myself. When I`m in my thoughts...and want to become a dust and to fly in the air.