Thoughts inside myself

I want to change my life. Almost 4 years ago I did it but now I feel that the time to make my life another came again. It is not hard but I need to know what I really want.

Sometimes I feel that I sink in a hopelessness. Probably I shouldn`t think so because I have everything what I need but...We are never satisfied. If you`ll see all Europe, it won`t be enough-you will want to see all Asia and then-all Africa...and the end of your desires will never come. All people are such, I`m sure.

I love to travel. I can`t live on one place the whole life, I need to change cities and countries. I`m a wanderer and a dreamer. I love roads, cars, buses and long trips. I love new places and new acquaintances. All this make me to feel better. To have the great impressions in life is very important. When I`ll be old, I will remember those mad actions which I made in my youth and will tell about them to my grandsons :D They will be proud of their crazy grandmother!

If I had more freedom and more money now, I would pack my bag and go somewhere very far. To country where nobody speaks russian. Where nobody knows me. I thought about Iceland. Cold but very beautiful and romantic place. Mountains, ocean, whales...I would live in small house in the mountains, would have a horse and a big dog. Every morning I`d look at the whales in the ocean and every evening I`d write a book. I always have a lot of inspiration on the nature. Icelandic language is very difficult and I love all difficult things.

I seem to feel happy when I forget about everything. I just walk somewhere and see the sky...and the sun going down or rising. That`s why I adore lonely places like old parks, forests, fields where nobody will bother me. There I feel like a bird, just as nothing keeps me...So I`m free to fly wherever I want.

Now I have such time when I think about my life all day, all night. I am tired of all this routine. Maybe it is because of spring or because of something else but I`ve never been more alone than now. I don`t feel that the city where I live is a my place. I don`t like noise, huge houses and subway. It was my biggest dream in childhood-to move in a huge city but nowadays I understand that my dream was a mistake. Or I had to move to so big city to understand that sometimes we don`t know of what we dream. To breathe here is so hard...My lungs dry up.

I am 23 but I didn`t find my place in this world yet. I can want to live near the sea in warm country but in some days I wanna live on the north near the mountains. I can want to travel all my life and to be alone but then I want to have a big and friendly family. I don`t know what happens inside myself. I don`t remember the time when I understood myself...Have I ever had the harmony in my mind?..

It is all like a carousel. Your life goes and goes quicker every day. First you don`t notice it but then you look back and see that many events remained far behind you. And you will never return them already. Isn`t it scary? Time to be defined what you need.

I want to change the world. I try to remember these phrases:
1) Always push yourself to be great.
2) Always push yourself to be better than the day before.
3) Love all but stay away from darkness, you can`t help.
4) Live, love, laugh.
5) Put your heart into everything you do.
6) Let`s make the world better.
7) Love is a mighty power.
8) Find your own way to happiness.
9) Always working, always creating.
10) Never ever ever ever ever GIVE UP!!!

These phrases and another help me to live. Even when I sink and don`t understand what happens around myself. When I`m in my thoughts...and want to become a dust and to fly in the air.