Little grey hen and big white bird.

A little grey hen was sitting on the meadow near her henhouse and was feeling very sad.

-I am poor, I am unlucky, I am unhappy. Roosters don`t understand me, hens hurt me. My henhouse is dark, empty, sad...

A big white bird flew past the hen at this moment and heard all these words.

-Don`t worry, hen,- a big white bird said. - If you want I can help you to fly to very nice country where you can live.

-No,- grey hen answered.- It`s impossible: hens cannot fly.

-Don`t worry,- white bird said.- I will teach you.

-No,- grey hen answered.- I have very small wings.

-Don`t worry,- white bird said.- You can sit on my back and we will fly.

-No,- grey hen said.- I don`t have a home in that country.

-Don`t worry,- white bird said.- I will help you to find  a home.

-No,- grey hen answered.- I`ll be alone there, I`ll feel lonely and sad.

-Don`t worry,- white bird smiled.- I will help you to find a rooster.

-No,- grey hen answered.- He can be angry and annoying.

-Don`t worry,- white bird sighed.- I will teach you to live in that way which will help you to meet only nice and kind roosters.

-No,- grey hen answered.- Such roosters don`t exist.

-GO AWAY!!!- white bird shouted, spread the wings and flew away...

***

So often we`re afraid of living the life, so often we`re afraid of new acquaintances, new places, new friends etc. And we forget so often that we have only one life. Certainly we have to live here and now, without any fears because if we won`t, it can be too late then. Some people have bad experiences in their lives and after this they are afraid to start something new. But we have to risk anyway, in any time. Sitting in one place and thinking only about bad results will not make your life better. We have to move, we have to love, we have to pal up, we have to make new decisions in our lives because only all this will make us alive. And it is better to risk and then lose than be afraid, not risk and never know what result could be.

Nobody cares.

Nobody cares. Nobody cares what you put on today, nobody cares what breakfast you had this morning, nobody cares how many likes you have on your pictures in social network, nobody cares how you will spend your weekend. Nobody cares. Absolutely.

You live your life, you have friends and haters. Ok, maybe not friends and not haters. Just people, some of them like you, some of them hate you. First stalker your social networks and praise your photos, admire your talents, your appearance and maybe something else. Second like to show you that you are a nothingness.

It is all temporary.

When all these aforesaid people will have their own affairs and problems, they will forget about you.

For example, there is a girl who doesn`t like you. She feels a pleasure saying bad things about you behind your back. But this is not forever, no. Some day or other something very bad will happen to her. For example, her father`s death. Or she will prepare to important exams. And that`s all. You will never see this angry, impudent and cheeky glance in your direction.

Or there is a girl who likes you and your page in social network. She always wants to talk to you, she likes all your photos. This is also not forever. Some day this girl will have a boyfriend or new friends. Real friends to whom she`ll trust. Or maybe this girl will find her dream and make it true. And that`s all. She won`t visit your page anymore. Maybe sometimes...that to read a few posts and smile.

Don`t make conclusions about your life based on the words of other people. If you have haters it doesn`t make you a bad or popular person. If you have fans it doesn`t make you a wonderful and perfect person. Everyone has an own life and everyone cares about his existence and well-being firstly.

Live like you want to live.

In any case nobody cares of others.

 

Four happy women.

Olga looked at old pictures in social network and couldn`t believe that it`s she on them. How many years ago she studied in college and lived in student`s camping? Ten or even twelve...Long time ago. On this picture she is sitting at the table and eating a cheap soup from package. Being a student she couldn`t buy meat and fish every day. Sometimes Olga and other girls bought groceries for common money. They found different ways to earn it: worked at cinema, as waitresses at the restaurants, in library...But study was expensive and life in big city was expensive also, so girls always nedeed money. Olga looked at second picture: she had red strands of hair in that time. Of course now she doesn`t dye it anymore.

Maybe the real happiness was in that time? Nobody envied each other, everybody was equal. All students nedeed money and ate a cheap food.

Olga opened the virtual album with photos of her old friend Julia. That girl always was the most beautiful girl in college. All guys wanted to date her and she knew it. Of course Julia found a rich man after graduation. He gave her well-of life, now Julia is living in a very big and nice house, has a rest on Maldives and in Italy, wearing expensive dresses and has a lot of jewerly. Olga was sure: Julia even doesn`t remember that cheap soup and poor student`s life in college. Olga felt a small anger. It is not fair: Julia got everything and Olga got a life in small apartment with two rooms, husband who couldn`t earn big money and two kids who always tore the clothes and demanded a lot of food. Olga was sure that Julia`s son eats best fruits, best Swiss and Belgian chocolate, maybe even a caviar. And Olga`s children eat simple food and wear cheap clothes.

Phone call returned Olga in reality. It was an educator from kindergarden. Olga`s son got sick and had a high temperature. Taking small daughter out of bed Olga ran for son thinking how much money she has to pay for medicine. And she felt very unhappy.

***

Of course, life in camping was absolutely different than life now. Julia looked at old pictures in social network where she and other girls ate a cheap soup from package. She remembered that poor but cheerful time, and that soup and different ways to earn money. Suddenly Julia understood that she would eat that soup right now and it would be delicious. And cheap canned goods, and cheap sausages. That food was so simple but so tasty.

Julia remembered the old cafe where she went with Olga after lections. They ate mushed potatoes with lumps and drank a cheap coffee there. Nowadays Julia`s husband won`t let her visit the same place. Nowadays Julia eats only expensive meals.

Julia looked at picture where Natasha has been photographed. That girl was a real nerd. She came to Moscow from small town in Siberia and had a goal to build a great career. While other girls had fun after lections, Natasha went to the library and studied, studied, studied...And it was not in vain. She graduated from college with the best kind of diploma. And Natasha`s career is also awesome: she opened her own financial agency. Julia almost doesn`t communicate with Natasha now because she is working all day, all night. Natasha is an example of independent and strong woman. And what about Julia? She depends on her husband, he doesn`t want her to work but she doesn`t do anything at home too. Julia`s family has a housekeeper, a cooker, a nurse and own teacher for son. Julia even shouldn`t raise her own son because other people do it! Everything what is material can be bought by Julia`s husband. She can have anything she wishes. But it is not a happiness...Julia suffers from some implementation, she feels that she is just an annex to her successful husband. Natasha is smart, successful woman, she is happy. And Julia...Julia is a nobody.

Sitting in her huge and rich house, Julia felt very unhappy.

***

Natasha drove her car and thought about important meeting with colleagues. Her head has been filled with thoughts and she noticed that she is driving past the college at the last moment. Everything is different here but also so familiar. Natasha remembers the years of studying, remembers how girls called her "nerd", how she could learn some subject during all night...No, she doesn`t miss all this. It was just a step to better life that Natasha has nowadays. And she is glad that she studied a lot. All this was for career, for chance to live in the capital and never go back to her native small town. Natasha is independent, she has her own agency, she earns her own money. What can be better?

Of course, Natasha was lying to herself. She dreamed about real love. She wanted to meet a man who will adore her, who will write poems to her, who will be with her untill the end. Natasha believed in such kind of love because her classmate Maria has it. She met Victor in college and it was the love from first sight. Victor and Maria were a perfect couple and they are still together. They married and look very happy from pictures in social network. They look at each other with tenderness and passion in eyes. Maria always can ask Victor about help and he will help her because he loves her. Natasha has to do everything herself and sometimes it is very hard and annoying. Last time she is thinking only about strong male shoulder on which she could put her head and forget about independence for a while.

Successful and independent but lonely Natasha understood that she is very unhappy...

***

Maria cried in the toilet squeezing the test for pregnancy which has appeared negative again. Third attempt- and it is vain again! Maria didn`t care of anything, she wanted only one: a baby, her own baby, small and warm, boy or girl or maybe even twins. Every day Maria thought how she will raise her kid, how he or she will look and how they will spend time together.

But all was bad...Maria and Victor visited doctors, made analyses and nobody could explain why they cannot conceive a baby. If they had so big money as Julia has, they could make a vitro fertilisation but they don`t have this money. Of course Maria can lend a needed sum from Julia but it will be a proof that she and Victor are not a Perfect Family without any problems how all their friends think.

And, of course, the happiest person is Olga. Sge has two babies, TWO! And Maria doesn`t have even one.

Sitting in the toilet with wet face and useless paper strip Maria felt that she is the unhappiest person in the world.

Forget.

Hi. This blog won`t be funny and bright. Everything what happens now is so annoying and rotten. Well, I am a very positive person but I am tired. Really tired. Nothing changes here, in Russia, it looks like a damnation. Sometimes I think if I won`t move to another place, my life will never change. I want the cardinal changes. I need them cos I don`t want to pass a boring way. Home situation is very intense, mom is talking about death...what the hell, I have never heard this shit from her before. She doesn`t feel good now, therefore she has a bad mood and every day I hear something about death, about how life is hard and that I must be ready for bad things. Gosh, I can`t listen to it anymore. Why don`t parents understand that their kids shouldn`t be shipped into such shit? And I am an adult already but it doesn`t mean that I can listen to something awful like my mom`s death. Fuuuck...

Last days I feel like a squeezed orange. If I could erase my memory, I would do it immediately. And then I would move somewhere very far from this damn place and would start a new life, without any even little memory about my old life. Would be perfect, I think. My head is overflowed with awful thoughts, I wanna clear it forever. Cool things happen everywhere except Russia. Something new happens everywhere except Russia. Damn it!
When somebody says you that all is bad and this is the end, you don`t think about the end-you think about something what led you to it. You analyze your each act. In such cases, if you find the origin of problem, you can breathe sigh of relief and try to live further, previously having made a promise to change yourself and never make such mistakes any more. In cases, when you didn`t find a failure point, everything becomes much more difficult. As a rule, you rush as a wounded deer, you blame yourself for everything or you blame all other people. To bear all this is not easy. You`ll come back to it uncountable number of times and you`ll try to solve this riddle cos to reconcile is difficult. You will think that all is good and nothing portends a trouble. In practice, nothing is painless, even when you consider yourself an emotional eunuch. When your feelings, your words, your acts, your self-conceit ain`t taken seriously, you begin hesitate. Anyway, somebody is right and somebody is not. It is necessary to understand and accept others claims and to explain yours so good, that your opponent didn`t want to hit you a fist to a jaw. It is important to remember that: "You aren`t right", "I don`t care", "I think so", rough words and a manhandling is not an argument and doesn`t gane any value only because this is your opinion. If you coped with this difficult task, I congratulate you, you are not a moron, who`s controlled by emotions. You can live further and drink a tea with cakes in the morning, how you do all your life. If you didn`t cope with this task, I have very bad news for you.

But the most awful thing-it is possible to bear EVERYTHING.

I am afraid to say it, I am afraid to write it but if our world wasn`t so interesting, beautiful and huge, I`d leave it. What the sense of all this what surrounds us?..

I am live again

I feel live! Finally! Probably Moscow affected me so, maybe something else but I feel fucking live! Yaaaaahoooooooo!

I go to Belarus tomorrow and I`ll see my awesome friends on saturday. Last time I saw them two years ago. Very long...Here is a summer and very hot weather and I guess it makes me live and free. I don`t care what occurs in the world, I don`t wanna care absolutely! :D

Autumn, winter and cold spring make me sad, disappointed, weak and apathetic. And only the sun makes me happy. The nature comes to life and I come to life with it together. I feel an oculus on the tree which is dismissed from sunlight. I know that my friends wait for me. It is amazing-when someone waits for you and loves you very much. We will have a great time together as always. I am lucky in friendship. And not only in friendship. Last time I understood that I am lucky almost in everything! My world moves too fast and burns too bright.

It`s great-to feel free. One day people understand that it is not necessary-to live that way which others live. And I am very happy because I understood it many years ago. I feel the wings behind my back. I can fly anywhere. So much inspiration...so much imagination... :)

Be nice to everyone, always smile and appreciate things because it could all be gone tomorrow. I try to adhere to this rule. Sometimes it is really hard to do, sometimes I wanna be a dust in the air but then something great happens and I want to fly. Today my soul is flying! I feel very happy, I feel that I have to change this world, I feel blessed! Train tomorrow...you can`t imagine how much I love to sleep in the train!

I just want to live every day like it`s my last. Look, you have a job. You have a family (maybe you don`t have a family, never mind). You have a stability in life....but one day you understand that such life is very boring. You buy a ticket and fly to another country only with one bag. Adventures! I am crazy but I love it! And I`ll do it very soon, yes, I know! Running away from everything-what can be better? You`ll find something another and I`m sure it will be better because all new is better than old.

The next part of depression

I wanna sleep, sleep, sleep. I don`t wanna wake up. This desire doesn`t abandon me. How is it turned out so, that I lost the interest absolutely to everything around?..

I can`t explain why but I hate that environment in which I live. All these people, houses, shops annoy me so much. I don`t like that way of life which almost each person conducts in Russia. I feel the pain, the disappointment and something what tears me to pieces inside. I don`t understand what is it, really. All this makes me wanna die or disappear. I feel so lonely like a grain of sand in the desert; like a drop in the Pacific Ocean; like a star in the sky. So many people around me but I am alone. Only I can understand my thoughts and my experiences.

I have some friends who feel lonely too. If I could glance in their heads, maybe I would save them. And who will save me? Sometimes I think that this world will crush me soon. People spend too much time looking for more, instead of appreciating what they already have. Probably I am such too and it is not good. But my life doesn`t stand on one place. Unrealizable dreams affict and break me. I don`t know where I am going with this.

Loneliness is the most awful feeling in the world. I don`t wish anybody to feel it. I go down the street but nobody looks at me. My problems aren`t interesting to anybody. If I`ll die tomorrow, who`ll be upset? I even don`t have a family.

We are all lonely and all we want is for someone to pay attention and tell us we`re beautiful. It saves. Only one person can save you. Strange, huh? Strange but so amazing.

I hate that feeling.
That feeling when you are sad but you have no idea why.
You feel so fucking empty, but nothing in particular happened.
They ask you what`s wrong, but you can`t explain. Or they don`t even ask anything; I don`t know which one is worse. It just feels like I miss someone I never met. Like I need someone who doesn`t need me. The loneliness hovers over me; takes control over me. I don`t even care.
I isolate myself on purpose. Sadness becomes my best and only friend. I start hating myself and I want everybody to leave me alone. At the same time, I want someone to hug me and to tell me things will be okay.
I simply HATE that feeling. That feeling when you don`t even know what the fuck you`re feeling.

I wish my feelings had a delete button...

All you need is love

I feel bad.
All night I had the temperature, couldn`t sleep normally and was so stressed. 2014 is awful since january 16.

Last time I begin to understand that everything good what you do for people means nothing. Doesn`t matter what will you do and what efforts you will make- people won`t care. Everybody thinks only about own comfort. Perhaps, to be a selfish person is necessary nowadays?.. I don`t know. Everything what happens in my life shows me that I gotta be fucking egoist! Literally a couple of days ago I  believed that it is much better to care of other people, than to care of yourself. I felt really happy, doing it. But why nobody told me that I will  suffer so much because of my kindness? Even fairy tales kind heroes have hard destinies always. But why so?

Love is so strange feeling. It is the inspiration but the pain too; it makes us so strong and takes all forces away; thanks to this feeling we can fly but it breaks our wings very quickly: thanks to this feeling we start to live but if we lose it, we become dead for only a few seconds. Conclusion: love is something inexplicable, unclear and difficult but any person won`t be able to be really happy without it.

I love very much. I know that I`m so young and I need to learn how to love throughout all my life. I don`t wanna be selfish, even if I`ll have problems. But I will know that I tried at least to make something good for other person.

I just don`t understand why is life so unfair? If two people want to be together they have to be! And no obstacles should not be. But I have 100 obstacles! Distance, citizenship, money, university...I want to be loved and happy now, not after my study. I want to wake up and see my loved one near me, not in skype. I want to hug him, not just see on the photo. Why can`t I get all of this right now? I consider, I deserved.

Only this person saves me. Before him I hated all men. I thought all of them look like my father. I don`t think that my father is a real man. He is not an example for me. But my loved one is special person. Probably, the real love is when you adore all merits and demerits which your boyfriend has. I don`t wanna change him, I don`t care how much money he has, I love him who is he. And I am sure that we can be together all the time! But life doesn`t think so and tries to present to us as much difficulties as possible. I don`t understand why so. We are not so bad people to torment us so much.

I am afraid that I will be ill because of all my stresses. I don`t wanna eat absolutely. Now I tried to eat a little piece of chocolate and I almost vomited! It is very scary, I hate such state. All diseases occur because of nerves, but I can't remain quiet and serene when my life falls down!..I have only one desire now: to lie in my bed, listening to sad music and don`t see anybody near. Remember once and for ever: protect your loved ones. Appreciate every minute, which was spending near them. Don't offend them in vain and farewell if it is possible.