Weak men and strong women.

Attention!!! There is a very hard time for men nowadays!

If in the past he was a getter, a MAN with steel balls, now we are all equal. Women wear jeans "boyfriend", drive trucks, earn big money, control all life in the house, raise kids without any help and train muscles in gym. Earlier women were waiting for men from the wars, from the army, now we are waiting for them from psychologist`s office and from the beauty saloon. Really, notice: men try to look sweet, well-groomed (TOO well-groomed), they can admire their reflection in the mirror longer than women do it!

I cannot imagine a woman who left her kids. How many women who left their kids do you know? I don`t know any. Even if she doesn`t have a job, money, elementary support and any enlightenment in life- she will never leave the family. And what about men? Let me show you statistics of single mothers in the world.

Germany- 80%.
Netherlands- 70%.
Ireland- 60%.
Russia- 80%.
USA- 80%.
Australia- 60%.
Great Britain- 75%.
France- 80%.
Spain- 60%.

Enough?..

Nowadays men feel stressed and down because of everything. I am not exaggerating. My grandfather worked in police. He was an investigator in the criminal department. He went to the identification of corpses, he pursued the gang where each member had several guns, he was forced to present the terrible news of the death of people to their relatives a huge amount of time. Also there was a life in Soviet Union. Maybe you don`t understand what was that, I can explain. Prison. Real prison. People lived in closed country and couldn`t do anything wrong without serious punishment. They couldn`t tell what they wanted, they couldn`t buy what they wanted. And my grandfather worked on the nervous job all his life. And do you know what? He never felt so stressed that to leave the family and take time-out for "thinking". Because he understood: he is a man. If he took a responsbility for other people who need him it means he must be strong for them. Not to cry how this job is hard but to show that family can be protected by him. And he never ever ever ever gave up.

What about nowadays? Every second man becomes crazy of his "difficult" life. He is tired, he has a middle age crisis but you, woman, should do everything yourself. I mean: try to understand what is happening, try to fix all thoughts inside your head, try to cope with all difficulties without him because man is depressed. He is tired. And never mind that he doesn`t work at the mine where the life-threatening awaits him at every turn. Never mind that he doesn`t live in a box under the bridge. Never mind that all his family is healthy and happy- he is tired. He needs tme for understand everything. What "everything"? To find a harmony? To find Zen?..

My best friend is a very smart and interesting man. We can talk about anything: astronomy, history, policy, economy etc. Almost three weeks ago he became a dad. His daughter is very nice and beautiful and very quiet what is very important for young parents. I was sure he wil be happy. Two days ago I sent him a message with question "How are you? Do you like your new role?" Answer was this: "I am depressed. I want to commit suicide. I didn`t expect this life. I can`t live so anymore."

WTF?..

He has a nice apartment (not for renting but his own). He has a stable job with good salary by Russian standarts. He has a car, a wife who cooks for him three times per day even after maternity hospital. He has a pretty daughter who even doesn`t cry at the night and he shouldn`t wash her, feed her because his wife does everything. And he wants to commit suicide... Is it a postpartum depression? But he is a man. He didn`t vomit during the pregnancy, he didn`t get fat on fifteen pounds, his chest didn`t lose the form because of feeding baby, he didn`t feel a terrible pain giving a child birth. And he has a depression...Stop this weird planet, please!..

Sometimes I think: if the real war will be soon, who will protect countries, families? When I watch movies about World War I, World War II, about wars in past which were very long time ago, when I read historical books about heroes in past, I see: men were stronger. They were hardy. They really had STEEL BALLS haha :) I cannot imagine Alexander the Great in depression. I cannot imagine Richard the Lionheart who gave up, left everyone that to "think" and "restart". I cannot imagine any man in past who folded arms and understood that "he is tired". Life was more difficult in past but men were strong. Now women are stronger. Really. Look at the world and you will see this.

Gender equality is good in salaries, in respect, in household duties. But not in everything. I was born a female, I don`t have balls. I don`t want to control all life when man will lay in bed with depression. I want to feel protected from problems. I want to see a real man near me who is like a stone wall. Who can just hug me and I will understand: all will be good. I am not sure it is possible nowadays, if to be honest. Now women should hug men and protect them from problems. Fuck feminism!

Dear men, we understand that sometimes you feel down. We understand that life is not easy (nobody promised it will be). And yes, I agree, sometimes you also want to cry and feel a self-pity (it`s normal). But this is life. If you are healthy, if your family is healthy, if you don`t save lives in hospital where patient can die in your arms, if you don`t have to hide from bombing, if you have people who are ready to support you- all is ok. Only those people survive in this world who are strong. Woman will survive in any situation. And do you know who commit suicide more often? Men do it four times more than women. Four times more...

I know what many of you will think now. That this is women`s fault. Haha of course it is! Woman cleanes a house, cooks a dinner, raises kids, has a lot of female problems- and sure, this is her fault that man is a weak! Do you hear how funny and ridiculuos it sounds?..

One day men will open their eyes and won`t see support from women, love from women, respect from women. We support, love and respect strong men. Men who are not afraid of problems. And if he chooses to be weak and driveller- ok, let him do it. But don`t regret then that nobody needs you. Because when woman gets a penis (I mean a mental penis, not real) she doesn`t need a man anymore. That`s very sad but gender equality did a very wrong job.

The next part of depression

I wanna sleep, sleep, sleep. I don`t wanna wake up. This desire doesn`t abandon me. How is it turned out so, that I lost the interest absolutely to everything around?..

I can`t explain why but I hate that environment in which I live. All these people, houses, shops annoy me so much. I don`t like that way of life which almost each person conducts in Russia. I feel the pain, the disappointment and something what tears me to pieces inside. I don`t understand what is it, really. All this makes me wanna die or disappear. I feel so lonely like a grain of sand in the desert; like a drop in the Pacific Ocean; like a star in the sky. So many people around me but I am alone. Only I can understand my thoughts and my experiences.

I have some friends who feel lonely too. If I could glance in their heads, maybe I would save them. And who will save me? Sometimes I think that this world will crush me soon. People spend too much time looking for more, instead of appreciating what they already have. Probably I am such too and it is not good. But my life doesn`t stand on one place. Unrealizable dreams affict and break me. I don`t know where I am going with this.

Loneliness is the most awful feeling in the world. I don`t wish anybody to feel it. I go down the street but nobody looks at me. My problems aren`t interesting to anybody. If I`ll die tomorrow, who`ll be upset? I even don`t have a family.

We are all lonely and all we want is for someone to pay attention and tell us we`re beautiful. It saves. Only one person can save you. Strange, huh? Strange but so amazing.

I hate that feeling.
That feeling when you are sad but you have no idea why.
You feel so fucking empty, but nothing in particular happened.
They ask you what`s wrong, but you can`t explain. Or they don`t even ask anything; I don`t know which one is worse. It just feels like I miss someone I never met. Like I need someone who doesn`t need me. The loneliness hovers over me; takes control over me. I don`t even care.
I isolate myself on purpose. Sadness becomes my best and only friend. I start hating myself and I want everybody to leave me alone. At the same time, I want someone to hug me and to tell me things will be okay.
I simply HATE that feeling. That feeling when you don`t even know what the fuck you`re feeling.

I wish my feelings had a delete button...

All you need is love

I feel bad.
All night I had the temperature, couldn`t sleep normally and was so stressed. 2014 is awful since january 16.

Last time I begin to understand that everything good what you do for people means nothing. Doesn`t matter what will you do and what efforts you will make- people won`t care. Everybody thinks only about own comfort. Perhaps, to be a selfish person is necessary nowadays?.. I don`t know. Everything what happens in my life shows me that I gotta be fucking egoist! Literally a couple of days ago I  believed that it is much better to care of other people, than to care of yourself. I felt really happy, doing it. But why nobody told me that I will  suffer so much because of my kindness? Even fairy tales kind heroes have hard destinies always. But why so?

Love is so strange feeling. It is the inspiration but the pain too; it makes us so strong and takes all forces away; thanks to this feeling we can fly but it breaks our wings very quickly: thanks to this feeling we start to live but if we lose it, we become dead for only a few seconds. Conclusion: love is something inexplicable, unclear and difficult but any person won`t be able to be really happy without it.

I love very much. I know that I`m so young and I need to learn how to love throughout all my life. I don`t wanna be selfish, even if I`ll have problems. But I will know that I tried at least to make something good for other person.

I just don`t understand why is life so unfair? If two people want to be together they have to be! And no obstacles should not be. But I have 100 obstacles! Distance, citizenship, money, university...I want to be loved and happy now, not after my study. I want to wake up and see my loved one near me, not in skype. I want to hug him, not just see on the photo. Why can`t I get all of this right now? I consider, I deserved.

Only this person saves me. Before him I hated all men. I thought all of them look like my father. I don`t think that my father is a real man. He is not an example for me. But my loved one is special person. Probably, the real love is when you adore all merits and demerits which your boyfriend has. I don`t wanna change him, I don`t care how much money he has, I love him who is he. And I am sure that we can be together all the time! But life doesn`t think so and tries to present to us as much difficulties as possible. I don`t understand why so. We are not so bad people to torment us so much.

I am afraid that I will be ill because of all my stresses. I don`t wanna eat absolutely. Now I tried to eat a little piece of chocolate and I almost vomited! It is very scary, I hate such state. All diseases occur because of nerves, but I can't remain quiet and serene when my life falls down!..I have only one desire now: to lie in my bed, listening to sad music and don`t see anybody near. Remember once and for ever: protect your loved ones. Appreciate every minute, which was spending near them. Don't offend them in vain and farewell if it is possible.