The next part of depression

I wanna sleep, sleep, sleep. I don`t wanna wake up. This desire doesn`t abandon me. How is it turned out so, that I lost the interest absolutely to everything around?..

I can`t explain why but I hate that environment in which I live. All these people, houses, shops annoy me so much. I don`t like that way of life which almost each person conducts in Russia. I feel the pain, the disappointment and something what tears me to pieces inside. I don`t understand what is it, really. All this makes me wanna die or disappear. I feel so lonely like a grain of sand in the desert; like a drop in the Pacific Ocean; like a star in the sky. So many people around me but I am alone. Only I can understand my thoughts and my experiences.

I have some friends who feel lonely too. If I could glance in their heads, maybe I would save them. And who will save me? Sometimes I think that this world will crush me soon. People spend too much time looking for more, instead of appreciating what they already have. Probably I am such too and it is not good. But my life doesn`t stand on one place. Unrealizable dreams affict and break me. I don`t know where I am going with this.

Loneliness is the most awful feeling in the world. I don`t wish anybody to feel it. I go down the street but nobody looks at me. My problems aren`t interesting to anybody. If I`ll die tomorrow, who`ll be upset? I even don`t have a family.

We are all lonely and all we want is for someone to pay attention and tell us we`re beautiful. It saves. Only one person can save you. Strange, huh? Strange but so amazing.

I hate that feeling.
That feeling when you are sad but you have no idea why.
You feel so fucking empty, but nothing in particular happened.
They ask you what`s wrong, but you can`t explain. Or they don`t even ask anything; I don`t know which one is worse. It just feels like I miss someone I never met. Like I need someone who doesn`t need me. The loneliness hovers over me; takes control over me. I don`t even care.
I isolate myself on purpose. Sadness becomes my best and only friend. I start hating myself and I want everybody to leave me alone. At the same time, I want someone to hug me and to tell me things will be okay.
I simply HATE that feeling. That feeling when you don`t even know what the fuck you`re feeling.

I wish my feelings had a delete button...

REFLECTIONS

This blog was created for my reflections because people in real life don`t care.
Sometimes I regret that I wasn`t born a fiddleheaded idiot who have only problems about the latest model of iPhone, the last brand of fashionable clothes and something like that. I always care about the sence of life. I don`t know whom I`ll be later...in 10 years, in 20 years. Whom will I be? Where will I live? How will I live? These questions don`t leave me alone. I absolutely don`t wanna live like my mom does. I don`t wanna live as the majority of people lives. I want to bring something great in this world. I want to be special.

dreaming, dreaming of a girl like me,
hey what are you waiting for-feeding, feeding me.
I feel like I`m disappearing-getting smaller every day
but I look in the mirror- I`m bigger in every way.
I think I took too many soothing medicines today. Where is it possible to buy cure from love? When we love too much, any problem can wound us.

I am watching a movie "The end of love". About father and son. They remained together after the wife and mother died. I watch and cry. I can`t imagine what would happen with me if my loved one died. The man from movie has a support-his son. The boy is similar on his mom therefore his father can remember her always.

I think I can`t be crying anymore. I want to see my boy right now. My heart doesn't maintain this madness. I am too impressionable and I think too much.