I will hurt you but I love you.

Few days ago I was in the bus and heard the conversation of guy and girl who were sitting behind me.

-I love you.

-You are a coward.

-But I love you.

-You hurt me.

-But I love you. Be patient.

-I can`t be patient anymore.

-But I love you.

That conversation was endless. I am sure when I left the bus that couple still talked using those senseless phrases.

By the words "I love you" you can justify all that hell which is in your relationships. Millions of unfulfilled promises, lies, betrayal, meanness. You`ll get hurt but be patient because I love you.

To say something is very easy. Words mean nothing if you don`t mean anything inside yourself.

"Sorry, I disappointed you but I love you".
"I will help you next time, I promise, I love you".
"I was drunk, I didn`t think about anything but I love you".
"It was just a sex, she doesn`t mean anything for me, I love you".
"Let the kid get older, wait, I love you".
"I didn`t buy medicine for your mom, can you do it now? I love you".

There is nothing easier than to say that you love. But also easy not to do anything when you say it. To hurt someone but then try to fix everything by the phrase "I love you".

Experience shows us that sometimes some things are more important than words about love. You do something for person not because you must do it and not because you promised to do it but because you want to do it. Love is not in words, love is in actions.

To make a chicken soup if someone got sick. To give a warm scarf if the weather became colder. To cook a dinner and make a hot bath for someone who must come home late from work. To meet your loved one after training not because it`s dark outside but because it`s better- to go home together.

Don`t talk. Just do because each your action for the sake of someone you love makes your life really meaningful.

Mad love.

Love can be mad and healthy. I don`t accept a healthy love. Dating for long years, then to get married (near 30 years old), then don`t feel anything to each other very soon. Sluggish sexual life, disputes who will eat a meat and who will eat a fish for dinner today...All your relatives say what a beautiful couple you are, and that you gotta make babies but first buy a car and a flat...and maybe all this. But I support a "mad" love! Love must be mad! Love to special person must be like an eternal impulse. This is a passion. This is the love from that people don`t grow old. She runs through the night city to him and he meets her by hot kisses. This is the love inside out! He gives everything to her and goes crazy on her every day. She shouts in quarrels that she will leave him but then falls to his hugs and kisses him like this is their last day together. Happiness is in a madness, not in the boredom! I support a mad love.

Why aren`t we happy in relationships?

There are three types of women: women-"daughters", women-"sisters" and women-"mothers". Same about men: men-"fathers", men-"brothers", men-"sons". And all of them coexist with each other only in pairs. "Fathers" are looking for "daughters" who are glamorous and beautiful and aren`t capable to earn money and cook even fried eggs. "Fathers" need to feel like patrons, defenders, sometimes even like owners. They like to understand that women are dependent of them.

"Brothers" are looking for "sisters" who have the same interests and hobbies, who are ready to go anywhere with them: in mountains, in a round-the-world travel, without regard to rain, snow and hail. "Brothers" like to watch football with "sisters", play video-games together and feel an equality of contribution to family and agreement of opinion in everything. 

"Sons" are looking for "mothers" because their mothers are not eternal, bosses are angry, life is very difficult and they cannot warm soup and choose the haircut. Of course, "sons" need someone who is responsible and will do everything for them. And "mother" will be happy near such "son" because she`s sure that he will die without her; that to ask a man to buy pork and cabbage it is receive the packing of smoked salted pork and the package of frozen broccoli; that men cannot wash the dishes and floor; that they are weak and need to be safe. 

Perfect relationships, how do you think? Everybody is happy. But what do we see in real life? Almost always three types of men fall in love with women-"daughters". The main function of woman-"daughter" -to look good and attract men- works perfectly. Then she is starting to choose that man who is better for her. Woman-"daughter" will never choose a man-"son". Only thing that she can do-to ask him go away and never come back. Man-"son" will shout that all women are bitches and can`t appreciate sincere qualities. Men-"brothers" are very stubborn sometimes and "daughters" think that such kind of relationships can not be bad. But then this couple finds many problems. He does all home work because she has a manicure; only he earns money; they want to spend vacation in different places; she doesn`t like his friends and he doesn`t like her friends. The result is a little predictable: divorce, fight for property and for children. He`s shouting that women are bitches and it will be better to be a bachelor. She`s counting how much money she took from him and looking for new husband.

A woman-"sister" is absolutely another than a woman-"daughter". She`s dressed in jeans, t-shirt and shoes without heels. She almost doesn`t have a make-up, can tell funny jokes all the time and her eyes are always happy. Man-"father" can impress a woman-"daughter" with wealth and big opportunities. He wants to see respect from her. But such couple almost never creates a family. When "sister" notices that "father" wants to be the main person in relationships, she will leave him without delay. Sometimes man-"son" creates a family with woman-"daughter" but results are not happy. First time she will enjoy the poems written in her honor but after a while she`ll be tired of husband who is not able to make important decisions and solve problems independently. Man-"son" will watch TV or play video-games and woman-"sister" will file for divorce. He won`t understand it because he was sure that their relationships were perfect.

Almost nobody likes women-"mothers" at once. They don`t have a "bright" appearance, they don`t dress good and all their interests are boring: knitting, embroidery, cooking, floriculture. These women are sure that beauty is not the main thing in a woman. Man-"father" will never marry a woman-"mother" because he wants to visit important business meetings with young and glamorous girlfriend, that  partners in work envied him. If "father" marries "mother", he will cheat her and then will get divorced took everything away from her, even children (if he needs them). 

Men-"brothers" don`t choose women-"mothers" too. They`ll be bored near them. "Brother" wants to travel, to ride a bike, to talk about sports, movies and clubs. "Mother" kills him with her excessive guardianship: she asks "brother" to put the warm socks on (and warm scarf, and warm hat, and underwear with a pile). He dreams about new car and she dreams about third child, but he doesn`t have enough money for three children. His friends annoy her. This kind of relationships doesn`t finish good: he leaves her, pays alimony and feels guilty because he destroyed the family. And she hates him because he left her and children. 

Familiar situations, don`t you think so? And many of you had the same in life. You say that all women are bitches or all men are morons because you choose "not your" people. You create wrong relationships with wrong men and women. It is necessary to understand what you want from life, what you like to do and what is interesting for you. You shouldn`t create relationships with person just because he/she is beautiful because then you will be disappointed that "son" is not a "brother" and "mother" can`t be a "daughter". Don`t choose people who cannot be "yours". You don`t take sausages in the shop if you are a vegan and eat only vegetables, right? The same is here: some people can`t give you all what you need. The main thing is to understand yourself and stop tormenting a wrong person because his and your couple suffer from loneliness and discrepancy with someone else.

A person who will be like a couple of shoes.

"Vi, do you know how to find a good friend or person who will love you forever and will stay with you like a couple of shoes that will never leave you untill you do it?"

________________________________________________________________________

I got this question from the person who feels lonely for a long time. He wanted to know how is possible to find such a great and devoted friend. He doesn`t believe that such people exist in our world. It was hard for me-to give him an exact answer. I thought over his words two days. You know, to find a real friend or real love is not like going outside and asking who can be your friend or who can love you. Life is not so easy unfortunately.

I had different variants of answer into my head but they`re not right. Today I understood one simple truth.

You mustn`t search such friend. You have to be such friend to others. You mustn`t search love from other people-you have to love.

I`d like to become such person for someone...Does nobody send you sweets and cute postcards when you`re sick? I will come to you and will give you sweets, honey, rasberry jam, lemon and interesting books.

Does nobody remember what coffee do you like? I will remember and I will buy this coffee to you if you`ll become frozen during our walk in autumn park.

Does nobody listens to you? I will listen to your stories all night if you will need it.

Does nobody supports you? I will sit near you and will accuse the whole world if you need it.

Does nobody shows you a friendship, a love in actions? I will create presents for you, I will buy your favorite chocolate and your favorite tea.

Or you just can invite me to your home and I`ll come there with your favorite food. Tired, maybe a little bit sleepy, a little bit lost but it doesn`t matter because you are more important than anything else.

Therefore I am afraid to get used to people-I can become a perfect person for you but having received desirable, you don`t thank and you don`t notice anything. You just use that "best friend" or that "love".


Of course we shouldn`t think about answer from people after our good actions. You do something good because you wanna do it-everybody has to remember this simple truth. No better feeling than giving back.

But we all are alive people and we all have feelings. If person for whom you do good things, will never appreciate them, you can`t do it all the time. Friendship and relationships aren`t a charity work.

"Vi, do you know how to find a good friend or person who will love you forever and will stay with you like a couple of shoes that will never leave you untill you do it?"

I don`t know. But I know that I would like to be the same person for some people. But I am afraid.

One advice to all of you, guys: never get inside someone`s life if you are not planning to remain in it. 

St. Valentine`s Day

Hello, everyone who is in love! Today is your day! Of course we have to love always, not only on february 14 but I think it`s nice that lovers have the special day in year. I never celebrated this holiday but I like all souvenirs in the form of heart which are on sale and etc.

I ask myself a question long ago: does everyone deserve to have a love? Maybe people who don`t have it, just can`t find it? Maybe they look in the wrong direction? Or we shouldn`t look for love because it will find us anyway? I hope it is so. All people deserve to be loved, no doubt!

When I was 14-19 I didn`t believe in love. I looked at my relatives and I saw that they ain`t in love. Almost all of them got divorced with husbands and wives. It was very sad for me cus I understood that they aren`t happy. I thought that love is an invention from books and movies. Life is hard therefore people created the love that to give each other the hope for something finer.

But love isn`t an invention. Never believe people who say it. They are just unhappy or probably were betrayed once. Love exists and only it can make us kinder. We can lose everything: money, friends, house, job, but if we have the person whom we love, any grief won`t break us. People who haven`t the love just have to wait a bit and maybe learn how to love too. It is a big work during all life. I think only kids have the most sincere love because they don`t demand anything in exchange. And it is great.

I think the real love is that love when we don`t think what person will give to us but think what good we can do for him. Earlier I thought that to receive presents is nicer than to make them. Later I understood that I have never been so happy than when I make presents to people. When you really love someone you will think about this person`s comfort at first, not about your own.

I love old people who are together since youth. They look very touchingly and lovely. My grandmother and grandfather divorced and hate each other therefore I hope I won`t have the same relationships. It`s sad when you live alone and even don`t have somebody who will support you in difficult situations. I want to have one love for all life.

And never judge people because of love. Never mind that someone loves the wrong person. You think that he`s wrong but he`s the best for that who loves him. Even the most cruel people become better when they are in love. Only this feeling changes us to the best side. 

Only love makes the woman more beautifully! Only love makes the man more kindly! Only love makes the soul lighter and only with love our life becomes WONDERFUL! I wish you all to find your love! :)

REFLECTIONS

This blog was created for my reflections because people in real life don`t care.
Sometimes I regret that I wasn`t born a fiddleheaded idiot who have only problems about the latest model of iPhone, the last brand of fashionable clothes and something like that. I always care about the sence of life. I don`t know whom I`ll be later...in 10 years, in 20 years. Whom will I be? Where will I live? How will I live? These questions don`t leave me alone. I absolutely don`t wanna live like my mom does. I don`t wanna live as the majority of people lives. I want to bring something great in this world. I want to be special.

dreaming, dreaming of a girl like me,
hey what are you waiting for-feeding, feeding me.
I feel like I`m disappearing-getting smaller every day
but I look in the mirror- I`m bigger in every way.
I think I took too many soothing medicines today. Where is it possible to buy cure from love? When we love too much, any problem can wound us.

I am watching a movie "The end of love". About father and son. They remained together after the wife and mother died. I watch and cry. I can`t imagine what would happen with me if my loved one died. The man from movie has a support-his son. The boy is similar on his mom therefore his father can remember her always.

I think I can`t be crying anymore. I want to see my boy right now. My heart doesn't maintain this madness. I am too impressionable and I think too much. 

All you need is love

I feel bad.
All night I had the temperature, couldn`t sleep normally and was so stressed. 2014 is awful since january 16.

Last time I begin to understand that everything good what you do for people means nothing. Doesn`t matter what will you do and what efforts you will make- people won`t care. Everybody thinks only about own comfort. Perhaps, to be a selfish person is necessary nowadays?.. I don`t know. Everything what happens in my life shows me that I gotta be fucking egoist! Literally a couple of days ago I  believed that it is much better to care of other people, than to care of yourself. I felt really happy, doing it. But why nobody told me that I will  suffer so much because of my kindness? Even fairy tales kind heroes have hard destinies always. But why so?

Love is so strange feeling. It is the inspiration but the pain too; it makes us so strong and takes all forces away; thanks to this feeling we can fly but it breaks our wings very quickly: thanks to this feeling we start to live but if we lose it, we become dead for only a few seconds. Conclusion: love is something inexplicable, unclear and difficult but any person won`t be able to be really happy without it.

I love very much. I know that I`m so young and I need to learn how to love throughout all my life. I don`t wanna be selfish, even if I`ll have problems. But I will know that I tried at least to make something good for other person.

I just don`t understand why is life so unfair? If two people want to be together they have to be! And no obstacles should not be. But I have 100 obstacles! Distance, citizenship, money, university...I want to be loved and happy now, not after my study. I want to wake up and see my loved one near me, not in skype. I want to hug him, not just see on the photo. Why can`t I get all of this right now? I consider, I deserved.

Only this person saves me. Before him I hated all men. I thought all of them look like my father. I don`t think that my father is a real man. He is not an example for me. But my loved one is special person. Probably, the real love is when you adore all merits and demerits which your boyfriend has. I don`t wanna change him, I don`t care how much money he has, I love him who is he. And I am sure that we can be together all the time! But life doesn`t think so and tries to present to us as much difficulties as possible. I don`t understand why so. We are not so bad people to torment us so much.

I am afraid that I will be ill because of all my stresses. I don`t wanna eat absolutely. Now I tried to eat a little piece of chocolate and I almost vomited! It is very scary, I hate such state. All diseases occur because of nerves, but I can't remain quiet and serene when my life falls down!..I have only one desire now: to lie in my bed, listening to sad music and don`t see anybody near. Remember once and for ever: protect your loved ones. Appreciate every minute, which was spending near them. Don't offend them in vain and farewell if it is possible.