Hi. This blog won`t be funny and bright. Everything what happens now is so annoying and rotten. Well, I am a very positive person but I am tired. Really tired. Nothing changes here, in Russia, it looks like a damnation. Sometimes I think if I won`t move to another place, my life will never change. I want the cardinal changes. I need them cos I don`t want to pass a boring way. Home situation is very intense, mom is talking about death...what the hell, I have never heard this shit from her before. She doesn`t feel good now, therefore she has a bad mood and every day I hear something about death, about how life is hard and that I must be ready for bad things. Gosh, I can`t listen to it anymore. Why don`t parents understand that their kids shouldn`t be shipped into such shit? And I am an adult already but it doesn`t mean that I can listen to something awful like my mom`s death. Fuuuck...
Last days I feel like a squeezed orange. If I could erase my memory, I would do it immediately. And then I would move somewhere very far from this damn place and would start a new life, without any even little memory about my old life. Would be perfect, I think. My head is overflowed with awful thoughts, I wanna clear it forever. Cool things happen everywhere except Russia. Something new happens everywhere except Russia. Damn it!
When somebody says you that all is bad and this is the end, you don`t think about the end-you think about something what led you to it. You analyze your each act. In such cases, if you find the origin of problem, you can breathe sigh of relief and try to live further, previously having made a promise to change yourself and never make such mistakes any more. In cases, when you didn`t find a failure point, everything becomes much more difficult. As a rule, you rush as a wounded deer, you blame yourself for everything or you blame all other people. To bear all this is not easy. You`ll come back to it uncountable number of times and you`ll try to solve this riddle cos to reconcile is difficult. You will think that all is good and nothing portends a trouble. In practice, nothing is painless, even when you consider yourself an emotional eunuch. When your feelings, your words, your acts, your self-conceit ain`t taken seriously, you begin hesitate. Anyway, somebody is right and somebody is not. It is necessary to understand and accept others claims and to explain yours so good, that your opponent didn`t want to hit you a fist to a jaw. It is important to remember that: "You aren`t right", "I don`t care", "I think so", rough words and a manhandling is not an argument and doesn`t gane any value only because this is your opinion. If you coped with this difficult task, I congratulate you, you are not a moron, who`s controlled by emotions. You can live further and drink a tea with cakes in the morning, how you do all your life. If you didn`t cope with this task, I have very bad news for you.
But the most awful thing-it is possible to bear EVERYTHING.
I am afraid to say it, I am afraid to write it but if our world wasn`t so interesting, beautiful and huge, I`d leave it. What the sense of all this what surrounds us?..
Last days I feel like a squeezed orange. If I could erase my memory, I would do it immediately. And then I would move somewhere very far from this damn place and would start a new life, without any even little memory about my old life. Would be perfect, I think. My head is overflowed with awful thoughts, I wanna clear it forever. Cool things happen everywhere except Russia. Something new happens everywhere except Russia. Damn it!
When somebody says you that all is bad and this is the end, you don`t think about the end-you think about something what led you to it. You analyze your each act. In such cases, if you find the origin of problem, you can breathe sigh of relief and try to live further, previously having made a promise to change yourself and never make such mistakes any more. In cases, when you didn`t find a failure point, everything becomes much more difficult. As a rule, you rush as a wounded deer, you blame yourself for everything or you blame all other people. To bear all this is not easy. You`ll come back to it uncountable number of times and you`ll try to solve this riddle cos to reconcile is difficult. You will think that all is good and nothing portends a trouble. In practice, nothing is painless, even when you consider yourself an emotional eunuch. When your feelings, your words, your acts, your self-conceit ain`t taken seriously, you begin hesitate. Anyway, somebody is right and somebody is not. It is necessary to understand and accept others claims and to explain yours so good, that your opponent didn`t want to hit you a fist to a jaw. It is important to remember that: "You aren`t right", "I don`t care", "I think so", rough words and a manhandling is not an argument and doesn`t gane any value only because this is your opinion. If you coped with this difficult task, I congratulate you, you are not a moron, who`s controlled by emotions. You can live further and drink a tea with cakes in the morning, how you do all your life. If you didn`t cope with this task, I have very bad news for you.
But the most awful thing-it is possible to bear EVERYTHING.
I am afraid to say it, I am afraid to write it but if our world wasn`t so interesting, beautiful and huge, I`d leave it. What the sense of all this what surrounds us?..
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