All you need is love

I feel bad.
All night I had the temperature, couldn`t sleep normally and was so stressed. 2014 is awful since january 16.

Last time I begin to understand that everything good what you do for people means nothing. Doesn`t matter what will you do and what efforts you will make- people won`t care. Everybody thinks only about own comfort. Perhaps, to be a selfish person is necessary nowadays?.. I don`t know. Everything what happens in my life shows me that I gotta be fucking egoist! Literally a couple of days ago I  believed that it is much better to care of other people, than to care of yourself. I felt really happy, doing it. But why nobody told me that I will  suffer so much because of my kindness? Even fairy tales kind heroes have hard destinies always. But why so?

Love is so strange feeling. It is the inspiration but the pain too; it makes us so strong and takes all forces away; thanks to this feeling we can fly but it breaks our wings very quickly: thanks to this feeling we start to live but if we lose it, we become dead for only a few seconds. Conclusion: love is something inexplicable, unclear and difficult but any person won`t be able to be really happy without it.

I love very much. I know that I`m so young and I need to learn how to love throughout all my life. I don`t wanna be selfish, even if I`ll have problems. But I will know that I tried at least to make something good for other person.

I just don`t understand why is life so unfair? If two people want to be together they have to be! And no obstacles should not be. But I have 100 obstacles! Distance, citizenship, money, university...I want to be loved and happy now, not after my study. I want to wake up and see my loved one near me, not in skype. I want to hug him, not just see on the photo. Why can`t I get all of this right now? I consider, I deserved.

Only this person saves me. Before him I hated all men. I thought all of them look like my father. I don`t think that my father is a real man. He is not an example for me. But my loved one is special person. Probably, the real love is when you adore all merits and demerits which your boyfriend has. I don`t wanna change him, I don`t care how much money he has, I love him who is he. And I am sure that we can be together all the time! But life doesn`t think so and tries to present to us as much difficulties as possible. I don`t understand why so. We are not so bad people to torment us so much.

I am afraid that I will be ill because of all my stresses. I don`t wanna eat absolutely. Now I tried to eat a little piece of chocolate and I almost vomited! It is very scary, I hate such state. All diseases occur because of nerves, but I can't remain quiet and serene when my life falls down!..I have only one desire now: to lie in my bed, listening to sad music and don`t see anybody near. Remember once and for ever: protect your loved ones. Appreciate every minute, which was spending near them. Don't offend them in vain and farewell if it is possible.